There should be a support group for people with spouses in PhD programs. If there isn’t one already, I should create it.
Being the wife of a PhD student can be a lonely, frustrating experience. If you’ve had a spouse in school, perhaps you can relate, especially if it was/is a demanding program. I hardly see John, and when I do, he’s usually stressed out about something.
I make meals that I sometimes don’t get to eat with him. I sit in his ‘home office,’ quietly doing my own thing while he does homework just so I can spend time with him at all.
It’s not easy. Sometimes it’s really hard. I understand that being a PhD student is difficult (probably more difficult than I could hack), but being the spouse of one is hard too.
I can relate. Chris is in nursing school which is incredibly demanding from day one. Typically he is gone all day and then goes to work until midnight. If he only has school that day then he comes home and wants to nap for a few hours and then he has to read a billion pages, and/or is on the computer doing homework until all hours of the night. Throw in a three-year old and a pregnant momma to boot and you have a fun house! I hope things lighten a bit for you but think of the success this will bring your family and the time it will free up in your future and the opportunities it may provide you. That is what I am banking on!!! Ahhhh!!!
You should start the group, and have a night out once a month or something!
Thanks for the support, Amy. You and I should form our own support group.
Eden – I should, shouldn’t I?
Holli jo, I was just searching for a PhD spousal support group when i found your posting. It is super hard being a PhD spouse with two children. It is extremely lonely, and frustrating, you are correct. I think there are probably many more spouses out there that feel the same way. Wish somehow we could get some help. I know it will all be over soon, but the loneliness is almost intolerable at times.
If anyone is out there still, I can relate! Actually, it has been 5 long years and my husband is about ready to give up. He has switched his dissertation topic 3 times, and now his internship may not count due to lack of supervision hours…too much detail, I know, but I’m soooo tired of it all, and with 3 young kids (6 years, 3 years, and 11 months), I’m tired of the student life.
If anyone knows of a support group for PhD spouses, please post. My wife has been a “full time” PhD student for going on seven years and I’m broke, lonely and ready to call it quits.
I whole heartedly agree, there is a huge need for more resources for PHD spouses. I was searching the internet for info and found your post. My husband of five years is doing an intensive summer program PHD whilst teaching as a full time faculty in the school year. He is doing the coursework in the US and we live in the middle east so being apart is only really adding to the stress. If I get to speak to him on the phone for 5 mins every two days I count myself lucky! I am sure it is worth it in the long run, but I have been wondering how many marriages break from the stress a phd places upon them.