So much happened since I last wrote. I had our baby two weeks early (his due date is in two days), and that pretty much changed everything about me and my life.
Here he is:
His name is Rhys Christopher, and he is pretty much the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I know I’m biased, but I still think it’s the truth.
He’s ten days old now, and the postpartum hormones are wreaking havoc on my life. There’s no way to understand just how devastatingly sad you feel after having a baby, nor is it possible for me to understand why. Rhys is the best baby ever and hardly ever cries, but he struggles with breastfeeding. That makes everything even more difficult.
For now, I’m putting a hold on posting to this blog. I just don’t have time or desire right now. Maybe after I come out of this postpartum fog, things will be different, but for now, no posting here for a while.
We do have a family blog where we post updates and pictures fairly regularly. If you’re interested in reading me there, send me an email (hollijkr [at] gmail [dot] com) and I’ll be happy to send you the link.
And if you have any advice for the postpartum blues, let me know.
My tips for postpartum moods/depression:
1. Make sure you are getting as much sleep as you can. (Nap. Have Daddy take a late evening shift, so that you can sleep for a solid 3 hours.) If you can’t sleep, even when the baby is asleep, know that sleep disturbances are a sign of depression.
2. Don’t feel guilty about curling up in your bed and enjoying your baby. It’s great time to nurture your baby. You don’t have to accomplish 10 things/day. Accomplishing even 1 thing is optional. Be gentle with yourself. These foggy days of sleep deprivation will pass.
3. With my first baby, I NEEDED to get out of the house and go somewhere every day. I had days for: groceries, library, play group, etc. Going for walks boosts the mood, usually.
4. Make sure you’re drinking plenty of water.
5. Go to a breastfeeding support group.
6. “The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.” -M. Russell Ballard. Look for those shining moments of joy. Write them down. If the despair and fog overtake you, and you can’t find those moments of joy anymore, it’s time to get counseling and medication. It’s not as scary as it sounds, it’s worth it to be able to enjoy your child and your life again. Have your husband and close friends keep an eye on you, because it’s hard to see for yourself how bad you’ve gotten.
7. Cultivate those friendships and relationships which will give you emotional support. The postpartum period is HARD. Many Many people go through some emotional upheavals. It’s normal. Know that there are many many people who will help you with anything you need.
8. Pray. Listen to uplifting music. (It’s more cheerful that the crying baby) Don’t take baby cries personally. It just means you’ve got a baby in the house.
9. I highly recommend “Happiest Baby on the Block” and swaddling, white noise, and baby swing. Anything it takes to stave off the year of insomnia!
Love you,
and feel free to call me, come over, or I can come there! Charlie and I could babysit while you take a leisurely shower. Really we’d love to! This offer has no expiration date!
Congratulations!!! He is absolutely gorgeous and I love the name! That’s my oldest brother’s name and I’ve never known anyone else with it. He’s already cool in my book:) I’m so sorry about the postpartum – I don’t know why it happens, but it is so real. Solei wouldn’t nurse very well and it made everything worse, that and every time I nursed I got suicidal – some hormone imbalance. Don’t you dare beat yourself up about it!! I know it’s so hard because you can’t control it – he will eat or he won’t, but there’s very little you can do but work your darndest to let go and to go with the flow. It took me until after 3 months to realize it wasn’t working and I switched to bottles, but it is the same thing – learning to let go and let them eat when they wanna. Get plenty of medication to give you as much of a headstart on those wacky hormones. My therapist gave me good advice when I came to him a complete wreck – he made me do my hair every day. I know, sounds silly, but that act of making myself presentable made me feel more human, more able to get out of bed and get moving (which also helps a lot too – go on lots of walks for the sunlight, plus the endorphins will help muchly).
I have to run, but I know where you are and I’m pulling for you. It will get better, I promise:)
Congratulations Holli and John – what a beautiful son you have. I am so proud of you Holli — you did a great job with little Rhys’ delivery, and I am so happy that you are talking about the post-partum.
My advice: let is slide – just sit back and enjoy your time with that precious little one and let the rest of the world wait. You need lots of time to recover physically and emotionally. It took nine months for little Rhys to arrive, and it is normal for you to take nine months to recover. This emotional tempest will subside eventually, but for now these waves of intense joy and depression will rock you about, but I know you will bounce weather the storm. You are stronger than you give yourself credit.
You deserve the time to adjust to your new baby and new body. Work, and family, and friends will wait.
We will all be here when you are ready, and we will all think what a wonderful mother you are to take the time with Rhys and John.
Congratulations, sweetie.
Talk to your OBGYN, I know after my second pregnancy, I had a HUGE time dealing with post-partum and I didin’t know what was happening to me. I thought because we’d lost the baby so early in the pregancy that I would be immue to it all….nope, not really!
Seriously, talk to your OBGYN, before your 6 weeks check up and see what she suggests.
As for breast feeding, I have no advice, other than don’t force it. I’m not convinced that I want to do this with our baby. A really good friend of mine pumps and then feeds in a bottle, perhaps that might work.
I had it bad after I had Daniel. I ended up talking to someone about it…and had a couple months of therapy. For me the talking was something that helped. I also noticed w/ both my daughters I didn’t have it, because they needed to be in the hospital for a couple weeks after they were born. I was able to sleep a full 8-hours every night…run a normal schedule and it allowed me to heal. So sleeping every chance you get will totally help.
I could never breastfeed right away. My kids never took to my breasts at all. Having c-sections…and all my kids were a bit early, my milk just didn’t come in. PLUS They were huge. I pumped for about two months. I decided though w/ that my sanity was more important than waking up every 2 hours to feed the babies! I started using Carnations comfort protein formula and my kids all did very well on that.
It’s just so overwhelming…your first child. You feel everything good and bad and sad and indifferent all at once. If you need to talk I am around. I’ve been there. What the other women have said is helpful and true! If you can steal a moment to sleep…do. The dishes can wait.