Feeling thankful

I feel very blessed right now and realized that I usually think about the things in my life that bother me. It’s time to focus on what I’m thankful for. So here are the things I feel thankful for today:

• An amazing husband. I can’t take him for granted because I know what it’s like to wonder if the right guy will ever come along. (He did.)
• A loving son. Rhys is so happy and loving. He makes everything in my life better.
• Our own washer and dryer. Seriously. Using the laundry facilities in the dorms at UT Austin has helped me realize how spoiled we are.
• Family! Some of my family is going to be driving for many hours tomorrow to come and see us. We are so excited.
• The fact that God is taking care of us financially. We had some setbacks recently, but I know we’re in good hands.
• Living for a month in downtown Austin. I love taking Rhys for walks on campus and being so close to everything.

And that’s it for today. I’m going to try and pay more attention to the many wonderful things in my life and will report back.

Helping my son fall asleep on his own

So lately I’ve been trying to train my boy to fall asleep on his own. He is almost 9 months old, and until now, I’ve bounced him to sleep (on an exercise ball) while singing songs. It worked in the past, but now he cries and tries to get away from me. I needed to try something new.

But training him to fall asleep definitely has its obstacles:

• I’m not comfortable letting him cry alone in his crib. I know some people do it, but it’s not cool for me. My son knows I am here for him, and when he cries, there is always a reason.
• When I put him into his crib awake (or even partially awake), he laughs and starts playing. What does he play with? The crib bars, the sheets, his hands, his clothing. In other words, anything.
• He doesn’t use a pacifier, which is generally good, but using one would probably help him soothe himself to sleep.
• He doesn’t use a “lovey” (a special sleeping toy). He really hasn’t taken to anything. And even if he did, he’d just play with it.

So this task is definitely not easy. How am I doing it? I’m very loosely following The No-Cry Sleep Solution, which is a great book for anyone who wants their baby to sleep more without forcing them to cry it out.

Last night was day one. I changed him and fed him for the night. He was nearly asleep but woke right up when I put him in his crib. So I took him out and sang a couple of songs. His current favorites are “This Old Man” and “There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly.” Oh, and he also enjoys “Rainbow Connection” and “What I’ve Been Looking For.”

I put him back into his crib, patted his back as he thrashed around and even started crawling. I had to keep telling him to lie down and go to sleep. He didn’t, of course. So I picked him up again and rocked him for a minute, then back into the crib for more pats on the back, which led to more thrashing.

I could tell he was tired and trying to go to sleep, but it took probably 1/2 hour of me patting him and taking him in and out of the crib. I left him in there as long as he wasn’t crying or trying to stand up. Thankfully, he didn’t cry. But he did try to stand a few times, which is when I would take him out and start the cycle over again. Eventually, he found a comfortable position and went to sleep. Oi.

Let’s hope he gets the drift soon. I feel confident that he will.

Self portraits

Do you remember the days when I used to write several blog posts a week, and I would write about anything that came into my head, whether the thoughts were deep, dark, crazy and too personal? No, you probably don’t. That was several years and blogs ago.

I’m beginning to itch for beauty in my life. I need poetry. I need passion. I need to share my thoughts. Don’t know how I’ll find the time, but maybe I’ll make time somehow.

The above picture is me, but it’s not a self portrait. Maybe I’ll post one soon.

Happy holidays

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. We are flying west tomorrow to Nevada and Arizona to be with family, so I probably won’t be around to post much on here. However, I’m going to be rolling out some changes on this blog. I’m hoping to have that ready by the new year.

So stay tuned. To any readers I may have, I wish you all the best for a healthy, happy holiday. May your new year start out well. See you then.

CVS Tips

I’m not going to make my blog all about CVS, I promise. But for those of you interested in giving CVS a try, I thought I’d share some tips with you. I suggest that you read Southern Savers CVS tutorial and also Money Saving Mom’s CVS 101. They give some useful advice. My tips will summarize what they say and also give you a couple of tips that they don’t share.

• Use sites like Southern Savers and Money Saving Mom to give you ideas each week of what to buy at CVS. They give good scenarios and coupons you can use.
• CVS has monthly deals, weekly deals, and 2-day deals. Make sure to check out all of them.
• There are often CVS coupon booklets when you first walk into the store. Look for it and snag one when you can.
• If CVS doesn’t have one of the sale items you want, tell the cashier. My CVS writes a raincheck, so I can come in another time to get the item. I even get the ECBs that go along with it.
• Save all your receipts! They have your ECBs on them, and they also usually have good coupons on them as well.
• Your ECBs print seperately, not all in one lump sum. So if you earned $14 in ECBs from 3 different items, you’ll get 3 seperate ECBs, like $9, $3, and $2. This comes in handy because then you don’t have to use them all at once.
• If you use a $9 ECB receipt and only buy $5 of stuff, the other $4 is gone, so you’ll want to coordinate it so you don’t waste them.
• ECBs have an expiration date. I think it’s a month.
• You often have to do multiple transactions in order to maximize your free stuff. The first time I did it, I planned out 5 seperate transactions so I could keep using ECBs that printed out to get my next items. I felt dumb, but the cashier acted like it was totally normal. (Example: I have $4 ECBs, and I can buy lipgloss for $4 and get $4 in ECBs. Limit of 3 lipglosses. I would do 3 transactions in order to get them all for free.)
• Sometimes, in order to get the most ECBs, you may be getting free stuff you don’t really need. Some people aren’t comfortable with that. I look at it this way: I can give the stuff to someone I know who needs it or even donate it to a shelter or charity organization. You can still do CVS without getting stuff you don’t need, but you will maximize the deals if you do.
• Plan your transactions in advance, but bring calculator to the store with you. If they’re out of an item you want, it can mess up your whole plan!
• You may make a mistake or two with this. I’ve made several, but they’re still awesome deals, and I figure I’ll get better at it over time.

Feel free to ask me any questions you want to. I was very intimidated by CVS at first, and I’m still no expert by any means, but I’m very happy to share what I know. If you’re nervous, start small and build up to doing more. Though with the awesome deals coming up next week, you may just want to jump right in!

My CVS experiment

Are you a CVS shopper? That is to say, do you get tons of free crap from CVS on a regular basis? If you don’t, you might want to try it out. I’m new to the whole CVS world, but I plan to use it to stock up on some of our essential items (like toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant) for free or nearly free. And look at all the stuff I got from CVS the first time I tried it:

There was more stuff, but my husband drank some of the evidence (another coke and gatorade). But you get the idea. This is $120 worth of stuff, and I paid only $20 for it. (I would have paid even less, but I screwed up a little.)

Anyway, the best part about it is that now that I’ve put some initial money into it, I will keep getting free or nearly free stuff indefinitely because of ‘Extra Care Bucks’, or ‘ECBs’, as the lingo goes.

Basically, CVS has different ECB deals each week, where if you buy an item, you get a certain number of ECBs back. ECBs are essentially the same as cash. So for example, one of their deals this week is contact solution. You pay $8.99 for the solution, and you get $8.99 in ECBs back.

Because I already have ECBs from last time, I simply walk into the store, pick out the contact solution, and give them my $8.99 in ECBs. They give me the same number of ECBs back, and I walk out with contact solution for free, with ECBs to use for next time.

What makes it even better, though, is coupons. You can go here to get a $2 off coupon for the contact solution. So they will ring up the contact solution for $8.99, and I give them the $2 off coupon. I can then use those extra $2 to buy anything I want. I’m planning to buy a Powerade with those 2 extra dollars. Powerade costs $1.59, but I’ll get $1.59 back in ECBs. So in that transaction, I will give CVS $8.99 in ECBs, and get contact solution, a Powerade, and $10.58 back in ECBs to use next time.

The more coupons you have, the better the deals get! If my explanation isn’t making sense, Southern Savers has a great CVS tutorial. Check it out if you’re interested in getting into the CVS thing. And then go to CVS and sign up for their card.

And do it soon! Because on the 21st and 22nd of this month, you will be able to get a crapload of free stuff from CVS. Seriously. Check it out here. Most weeks are NOT this good – most of the time there are just two or three totally free items. The really sad part is that I will probably be miles and miles away from any CVS on those days. So if you can take advantage of it, do! And then tell me how it went in the comments. Because if I can’t do it, I want to know that someone did!

littlest bird explained

Thanks for the comments about keeping this blog alive. I definitely want to. And I even have some good ideas for it. But today, I got frustrated and depressed about my ability to do anything or get anything done with a baby.

Rhys is an awesome baby boy. He is so handsome, and really quite a good boy. But the one thing he doesn’t do is nap on his own. He simply won’t. So I either hold him while he naps or nap with him. (I usually choose to nap with him.)

My frustration comes about because this is what I do all day:

Rhys wakes up. I change his diaper, breastfeed him and then make a bottle. Then play with him for a little while. Then he gets cranky so I put him to sleep and we nap together. This pattern gets repeated all day long.

Where do I fit in all the other things I want and need to do? My house is a huge pile of crap, basically. I never feel like I have time to make meals, clean the house, or do anything I actually want to do. I don’t know how to remedy this. I’m surrounded by clutter and each day I just make it worse.

You know what I want this blog to be? About getting organized. About learning to eat healthy. About cool products for moms. About fun crafts and great Etsy shops. About books and writing and working from home. I even wanted to do some awesome giveaways.

I still do! But my question is WHEN? When does it get easier to have a baby so that I can accomplish something in a day (other than caring for a boy)? I think this blog could be pretty fun for me and possibly interesting to other people. (Possibly.) So I’m frustrated that I don’t see it happening any time soon.

I don’t know. For the moms and dads out there, how do YOU do it? How do you hold it all together?

And to leave it on a hopeful note, if I DO happen to find a way to make this blog a reality, I want to move it to its own domain. If I do that, what the heck should I call it? I would go with littlest bird, but littlestbird .com, .net, and .org are already taken. Boo!

The littlest bird name is from a song by the Be Good Tanyas that says, “the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.” I chose that name because it says to me that even if you’re small and think there’s nothing unique about you, or think you’re not that special,  think again! Littlest Bird means “hope” to me.

So…with that in mind, what’s your best idea for a new blog name? If I get no responses, I may have to hold a contest of some kind…

Thanks, readers!

This is my original blog. Sort of.

I’ve wondered a long time what to do with this blog. I post to several blogs, and several others that met an untimely death. This blog has been my ‘original’ blog (I’ve changed platforms several times – I started with diaryland in 2001, moved on to blogger, and finally landed here on WordPress). This blog has been my diary for a while.

But then we started a family blog, and I post many of my thoughts over there, except with pictures. That makes this blog somewhat obsolete. I thought about making this my ‘craft’ blog of sorts, and although I do a fair bit of crafting, I doubt it’s enough to keep readers interested. Maybe. It’s still a possibility.

I used to think of this blog as the place where I could be more ‘me.’ My family blog is somewhat generic, because we have such a wide array of readers. On this blog, I shared my real thoughts because I was anonymous. That has changed. Over time, friends and family members have found this blog. That’s not a bad thing, but it does change the scope of the blog somewhat. You know what I mean – you write differently when you know you have a certain audience.

Here are some of the other blogs I used to post on, and their current status, if you care:

• Lost blog – I used to post on a blog all about the TV show Lost. I enjoyed it, but the person who paid me to blog also paid 50 other TV show bloggers. They didn’t market the blogs well, and the company went under, taking the Lost blog with them.
• Craft tutorials – It’s a long story I don’t want to rehash. Needless to say, I don’t currently post there.
• Evolving Blueprint – I still want to keep this blog going, but ever since I had Rhys, I let that blog fall by the wayside. I plan to revamp it and return to posting there.
• Writing blog – This is another of my blogs that was a good idea but got set aside once the baby was born. I ought to keep it going also.
• Life with Baby – I just started this blog. I know. Like I need yet another blog.  But this one lets me say anything I want to about having a baby. Plus they pay me a little bit to do it.

And that brings me back to this blog. I want to keep it. It has been with me for a long time; I’m not sure I could give it up. But what should the focus of this blog be? Crafting? Creative writing? Odds and ends? Something else? I’m just not sure.

If I still have any readers, what are your thoughts? Help me figure out what to do with this blog.

life-changing events

So much happened since I last wrote. I had our baby two weeks early (his due date is in two days), and that pretty much changed everything about me and my life.

Here he is:

His name is Rhys Christopher, and he is pretty much the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I know I’m biased, but I still think it’s the truth.

He’s ten days old now, and the postpartum hormones are wreaking havoc on my life. There’s no way to understand just how devastatingly sad you feel after having a baby, nor is it possible for me to understand why. Rhys is the best baby ever and hardly ever cries, but he struggles with breastfeeding. That makes everything even more difficult.

For now, I’m putting a hold on posting to this blog. I just don’t have time or desire right now. Maybe after I come out of this postpartum fog, things will be different, but for now, no posting here for a while.

We do have a family blog where we post updates and pictures fairly regularly. If you’re interested in reading me there, send me an email (hollijkr [at] gmail [dot] com) and I’ll be happy to send you the link.

And if you have any advice for the postpartum blues, let me know.

Out of Control

It is entirely strange to have a body that does its own thing without any input from me at all. Pregnancy is strange. My abdomen moves around several times a day. My stomach continues to grow larger. There’s nothing I can do about it.

And most importantly, in roughly four weeks, my body will open up and birth a baby. I can’t stop it from happening any more than I can make it start. In all honesty, it’s a bit unsettling and somewhat frightening.

I know about biology. I know I did something to set this whole thing in motion. But after that one moment, I had no control over it anymore.

I don’t like the feeling of it being out of my control. I want to be ready to give birth before it happens. I’m just in a reflective mood tonight, I guess. I guess I need to accept the fact that most things in life are outside of my control. But really, it would be nice to at least have control of my own body. Right?

time flies when you’re preparing for a baby

Where does the time go? I think of blog posts in my head all the time, but I hardly ever write them out. Lately I’ve been stressing out with work, church calling, and trying to get ready for our baby boy. Since multi-tasking is not my specialty, I am fairly disappointed in the results of most of the areas of my life.

But I am working on that. I have a friend who is a life coach, and she needs practice, so she is coaching me for free. I have wanted a life coach for a while now, but couldn’t actually afford to hire one. I’m hoping she will help me find my motivation and find a way to organize and balance all the areas of my life.

And preparing for the baby has really become a huge part of my life. (Maybe it will prepare me for when the actual baby is the huge part of my life…) I am doing a program called Hypnobabies, which helps you have a natural childbirth experience. However, this program requires an hour commitment from me every day. I basically have to listen to their hypnosis sessions, learning how to put myself in a hypnotic state, and learning how to create an anesthesia effect on my body. It’s exciting, but difficult to fit into my crazy busy days.

Then there’s the fact that we have decided to cloth diaper our baby. And not only that, I decided to MAKE cloth diapers for our baby. I am not sure what I was thinking, except the fact that cloth diapers are expensive. And disposable diapers are even more expensive. I have already made about 6 diapers, and they cost me pennies to make because I used old T-shirts and flannel sheets to make them. I recently bought some cute flannel fabric from JoAnn, so the next few diapers will not be as cheap. But they’re still cheaper than buying them.

Do you know how many diapers babies need? A lot. Apparently they can pee and poop their way through 10-20 diapers a day. So I’ve got a lot of diaper-making ahead of me, especially since the ones I’m making now are infant size. He will also need some bigger diapers for when he grows. I’ll post some pictures eventually of the diapers I make, because some of them are so cute!

Tonight is my baby shower, and I’m very excited. I can’t believe it’s that time already…

We fear change

I wish I had more time every day. Or maybe I just wish I was more effective with my time. There are so many things I am interested in accomplishing, and with a baby coming, I feel like I have limited time to do it in. If I don’t get it done before August, will it ever happen?

I’m scared of things changing. I have a strange relationship with change. Sometimes I need change; sometimes I thrive on it. At the same time, I struggle to accept change – I get nostalgic and sad. And I worry that I haven’t accomplished enough by this stage in my life. Why didn’t I take better advantage of all the time I’ve had while living in Georgia?

Why didn’t I learn to play the mandolin or actually learn to play the guitar decently? What about learning to sew? I don’t know. I guess I’m just feeling the pressure of impending responsibility. I guess it’s called adulthood and I should get used to it. Most people go through this stage of life a lot younger than this, so I really should be grateful for all the extra time I’ve had. And I am.

I just wish I had taken better advantage of it while I had it. I still have a couple of months, it’s true, but everything tires me out during pregnancy. After a trip to the grocery store, I have to go take a two-hour nap. It’s embarrassing but true. So I have dreams of making cloth diapers and baby wipes, of learning to make my own soap, of baking my own bread, and making my own yogurt. I want to make a total lifestyle change, apparently, and time is just running out.

Not to mention my worries of how my relationship with my husband will change. I mean, it already has changed some. How will I handle the changes that happen after the baby comes? I’ve had John to myself for three years now. I’m used to it just being us; I like spending time alone together, taking a day trip on a whim, cuddling at night, just being together. I guess I just worry. Probably for no reason, but I do it anyway.

One thing is for sure, so very much will change in August when we have this boy.