moving, stress, and taking care of myself

How do you deal with stress? Some people thrive on it, accomplishing more and getting energized by it. Not me.

I am one of those people who cannot handle an overabundance of tasks to do at once – I freak out and simply withdraw from life for a while when that happens. I can accomplish only a limited number of things per day, so when my lists gets too long, I freeze up and get nothing done instead.

We moved to a new apartment on Saturday (Hooray! We finally found sub-leasers to take over our most hated apartment), so this week has been filled with cleaning, unpacking, calling utility companies, and extreme back pain. And then throw in a bunch of church stuff (Relief Society calling). In short, I’ve been stressed.

But this time I’m trying not to freak out. I’m just doing what I can do. And I’ve been struggling with some personal issues, so I’m trying to treat myself with care and realize that I’m ok the way that I am. For now, this is all that I am and all I have to give to the world, and that’s ok.

My heart also hurts for friends and family who are dealing with struggles of their own. Life can truly be hard, and I wish I lived closer to them to be more of a support and help. I can only send my love and prayers and trust that they are strong, amazing people and can make it through the tough times.

Take a minute to count your blessings today. We all have more than we think we do. I’m going to try and be more grateful for mine.

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Pregnancy update

Reva asked how pregnancy is going for me, so I’m going to humor her with an update. Right now, things are great. I got really lucky and didn’t get the throwing up part of pregnancy. I don’t know if this is the reason, but I told myself that puking was unacceptable and I wouldn’t do it. And I didn’t. Except once when I had a migraine headache.

One of my biggest issues is that I’m so emotional right now. I cry about anything and everything. You know the movie Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore? Well, the ending is very predictable and cheesy. And I’ve seen it lots of times. But the other day I watched it, and at the end when the guy doesn’t show up to kiss her at the baseball field, I just started crying. How sad is it that she got her hopes up and he didn’t show up?! Never mind that one minute later he DOES show up and I knew that. I was bawling my eyes out.

The only other thing that has come up for me is that my changing body kind of freaks me out. I always though of pregnancy very abstractly, like it would never happen to me. And to be honest, I’ve never fully been comfortable with the idea of me being pregnant. But here I am, and my stomach gets larger and larger every day. I feel much less attractive, but I’m trying to deal with these feelings as I go.

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things i don’t agree with

I don’t know what it is, but in some ways I become less and less mainstream each year that I live. I thought I was becoming your typical LDS – I finally got married, and now we’re expecting our first baby. But that wasn’t typical, either. I was 30 when we got married, and it took us three years after that to get to the baby. Two days ago I was feeling like I was becoming typical of every LDS person out there.

And then I get reminded that I’m not. I took a long drive yesterday and had time on my hands to think. When I passed by a truck that was overloaded with chickens crowded into tiny metal cages, I realized that I couldn’t stand to eat chicken if that’s the kind of treatment the chickens received.

And so John and I did some research on “free-range” chickens. Guess what? They typically aren’t treated any better. I was shocked at the way chickens are housed and handled. I had no idea. After researching several websites, I decided I didn’t want to eat chicken anymore.

That led me to wonder about the other animals I typically eat – beef, pork, turkey. From my research, I know that turkeys are treated just as brutally as the chickens. As for beef and pork, I haven’t been brave enough to check into it. I don’t want to give up meat. I am not the kind of person who believes it is wrong to kill and eat animals. But I do oppose the mistreatment of animals. I don’t eat veal or lobster for those reasons. Now it looks like chicken will be added to the list.

My only concern is eggs. I LOVE eggs so much. But the chickens that are raised to lay eggs are just as mistreated. So until I can buy a house and raise my own chickens to lay eggs for me (I’m serious about doing that, too!), eggs might be out of the question as well.

And I am seriously considering becoming a vegetarian and giving up all meat except for fish or wild game. Does that make me radical? To most of the world, probably not. But to my family and most of the people I associate with, quite possibly.

Anyway, if I do become a vegetarian, I’ll document it here and let you know how it goes. It doesn’t look like an easy lifestyle. But it just may become my lifestyle. If I can convince my husband, that is. He says I’m much more liberal than I think I am. I think he might be right.

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faith that things will get better

Life has been a little better for me lately, even though we have been experiencing a great deal of stress because of our living situation. We didn’t like the apartment we are living in from the first day we moved in, but we had to sign a lease from Arizona. We just didn’t know what we were getting into before we saw it. Not only is it not a place we enjoy living in (putting it mildly), it is starting to cause a significant drain on our finances.

We have secured for ourselves a new place to live that is $200 cheaper per month!! The new place also has awesome neighbors, while our current place definitely does not. The problem? Our lease at this current apartment is not up until July 25th, and we cannot bear to live here that long. Not to mention that the cheaper place cannot be held that long for us.

So we have been advertising our place for sub-leasers, and we are praying hard that things will work out. If you are a praying person, any prayer you offered on our behalf would be much appreciated! I am not exaggerating when I say that our mental health will drastically improve the day we get out of this place. For our sanity, we have to leave.  

And I have been working very hard on securing new and better writing jobs. My goal is to double my income by the end of the month. I know, it’s lofty and I may be setting myself up for failure, but the truth is that I’ve been more productive this week than ever before. And even if my income doesn’t double, I can at least be sure that I did everything in my power toward making that happen. And if not this month, then soon!

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i hate headaches

I made the unfortunate discovery yesterday that I get migraines. I’ve gotten them in the past but just didn’t recognize them because I don’t get the spotty vision or the vomiting. (Even without those symptoms, I still suspected they were migraines because of how absolutely bad the headaches were. )

Yesterday, my migraine was accompanied by one of the classic symptoms: vomiting, which is my least favorite thing to do. I hope I never get another migraine again – it was a hideous experience.

And for those of you out there who get migraines, I know what you’re going through, and I feel so bad for you! Anyone know of any good treatments for migraines once you have it?

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change is the theme of 2008

I’m back from my Christmas vacation, and am ready for an interesting 2008. Things will be changing this year both professionally and personally, and I’m trying to be ready for it all. A friend of mine always chooses a theme for each year, and I think ‘change’ is a great theme.

In January, physical fitness is the priority. John and I plan to get serious about our health. We’ll be walking four mornings each week. I’m excited – I actually really enjoy walking/jogging. My problem is motivating myself to get out and do it. This time, it’s just going to be the first thing I do when I get up.

I’m also going to focus on growing and improving my business, which is scary and exciting at the same time. This will involve creating my own website, finding new clients and revenue sources, and keeping my work hours limited to during the day (not working until midnight).

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and that you are as ready as I am for this new year.

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this is a lot harder than i thought it would be

I’m feeling a bit down today. I hate worrying about money. The money I’ll make from freelancing this month will be more than double what it was last month, which is exciting. But it still doesn’t cover all our expenses for the month, which is the depressing part.

And I don’t yet have health insurance. I should have taken care of this a long time ago, but there are times when I just don’t have the ability to deal with unpleasant things, so I push them from my mind and let it go until a problem occurs and I’m forced to deal with it.

So that time is now. I’ve called around for quotes on health insurance, and I honestly started crying on the phone. No, the insurance agent didn’t know it. I’ve never been self-employed before, so I’m used to the benefits of company sponsored insurance. To get insurance for myself, I had to submit to a battery of personal questions about my health that I didn’t feel were any of their business. I answered most of the questions right, but I don’t have perfect health, so that will up my premium.

When one guy quoted me $200-$300 per month on health insurance, I panicked and started crying. I already don’t have the money to cover all our bills. How am I going to come up with $300 extra? Not to mention that Georgia is a lame, backward state and doesn’t cover mental health treatments.

I’m frustrated and worried and I wish our country cared more about its citizens than it cared about the bottom line, which is a big fat dollar sign for the pharmaceutical industry. I’m sorry to make this post a ‘poor me’ post, but I know I have readers who care about me. And it makes me feel better knowing that you’ll think good thoughts for me. Thanks for listening. I’ll be back to posting happier thoughts soon.

xoxoxo
Holli

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tummy trouble

I think it may be time to admit to myself that I’m possibly lactose intolerant. It may also be time to admit to myself that I have no business eating a large peanut butter cup blizzard from Dairy Queen.

But seriously, I think I need to figure out if I have food allergies or some other issue. I’m tired of my tummy hurting!

In other news, John and I are pretending again that we’re considering getting a cat. We want one, but it’s not going to happen. John’s allergic, for one thing. Also, we don’t really have to money to afford a cat since I don’t have a job right now. John will have to content himself with I Can Has Cheezburger? for now. (It took me a few tries before I found this site funny. I Can Has Cheezburger? is a wildly popular blog that makes all kinds of money. Think about that for a second when you click on the link.)

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Please give me your advice!

Okay, so I need your advice, especially if you’ve had back trouble before. But even if you haven’t, please leave me a comment if you have any advice.

So here’s the deal. I hurt my back, so I got x-rays. The x-rays came back with nothing broken, but with something that “might” be a muscle spasm. So I feel like I need more information. I may or may not have a muscle spasm, or I may have something different going on. And if I do have a muscle spasm, what should I do about it?

Here’s my dilemma. Worker’s comp is paying the doctor bills because it happened at work. (And they are so lucky I’m not suing.) But according to worker’s comp, I can only see one doctor. Once I’ve seen a doctor twice, I have to stick with that doctor. Stupid, but those are the rules. So I need to choose my next step carefully.

I went to my primary care doctor for the initial check, which gave me the kn0wledge that I “might” have a muscle spasm. So I can still see someone else. SO HERE’S WHERE I NEED ADVICE: who exactly should I see?

My chiropractor? I like her; she’s pretty good. A few session w/ her might resolve things. But Dr. Pam has an aversion to any western medical practices, which doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t trust western medicine any more than I trust any other type of medicine, but I still like to consider it a possibility.

An osteopath? This seems like a more holistic approach, which sounds good to me. But I’ve never been to one, so I don’t know if they’d be able to help my back.

My primary care? She may be able to refer me to physical therapy, which I’ve done in the past and liked. But who knows if she would refer me.

Another option I’m not thinking of?

Seriously folks. I need help. Advise me. What would you do if you had back pain and a possible muscle spasm? Thanks for your help!

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sang as they walked

John and I went on a four-mile walk yesterday. It felt surprisingly good. And the best part is that we did it in about an hour, which is fast for us.

We were actually doing a practice walk for an event we signed up for: Pat’s Run. Proceeds from the race go to the Pat Tillman Foundation. I think it’s a worthy cause, and I’m happy I get to be a part of. Not to mention that Pat Tillman is my dad’s hero; I knew this run would mean a lot to him.

So next Saturday we (along with five other members of my family) will be walking 4.2 miles for Pat’s Run. I’m so excited. My original plan had been to run this, but it turned out that walking was the better choice this time. I do have a goal that a year from now I (and I hope John too) will be running a 5k or two.

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update on my goals

I announced last week that I had set a goal to exercise 5x a week, and I’m updating you on my progress. Last week I didn’t hit 5x. But I did do 3x, which is much better than I usually get. This week I plan to get the full five.

I just got back from my morning break; I walked around campus for 15 minutes. It’s an easy way to get my exercise in. Unfortunately, it’s starting to get hot around here; I’m going to have to find another simple way to exercise, because the heat is already killing me.

I also signed up for Joe’s Goals. I like it so far. I wouldn’t say it’s exceptionally motivating, but I do actually feel motivation if I know I get to check it off a list. So I think it’s good. At least I get to see the progress I’m making. I like it.

And if you’re wondering about the body fat percentage test I took…I’ll just say it was discouraging. My fat content hasn’t changed in the past two years, despite the effort I’ve put in to improve my health. I guess I’ll have to make some more changes. I have a feeling it’s the eating habits that are dragging me down.

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i’m gonna do it

Okay, I am publicly announcing that I set a goal to exercise 5 days a week for at least 15 minutes. I signed up for Leo’s March Challenge over at Zen Habits. Go sign up too–any goal you want to work on for the month of March.

They say if you tell people about a goal you’re more likely to achieve it (because of the negative publicity if you don’t). So I’m testing that theory out. The real challenge is setting aside 15 minutes and actually doing it. 15 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot, but you’d be surprised how often I DON’T exercise for any amount of minutes. I’m starting out slowly to get the habit. I’d like to work up to 30-60 minutes of exercise. But first things first.

And to kick it all off, I coincidentally signed up for a health screening today. By 10am I will know my height, my weight, and my body fat…oy. I’ll let you know how that goes…or not!

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