The worst of times…

So it’s been a while since I posed here, and basically, I’m doing it now because I need to vent and fewer people I know read this blog. If you don’t feel like reading my mental word vomit, then move right along. Nothing to see here.

I think that in the littlest bird household, we’ve reached the end of our rope. It’s so hard to stay positive when hard things are happening to you, but we’ve managed to stay pretty upbeat given the circumstances. I don’t want to rehash all the things leading up to this post, so just imagine sickness, disease, car accident, multiple family members in the hospital, and the loss of the meager income we relied on. Those are some of the main things, though it doesn’t really scratch the surface.

Yesterday we recieved a miracle. Quite a big one, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude and humility. But then I looked at our bank account today. I’m tired of wondering whether we will survive beyond the next month. I’m tired of spending all my time either worrying or trying to boost my small income while taking care of a one-year-old and failing to keep our house from becoming the aftermath of a tornado. I’m tired of my husband being treated poorly by the people who should appreciate him.

Is any of this going to end? I don’t even know. I try to have faith that “things will work out” and that there’s something to be learned from this. You know what I’ve learned? That NOTHING can be counted on. You might have a good job and a big bank account right now (I don’t know that person, but theoretically), but tomorrow it could be gone. Your family members could be gone tomorrow. All you have is people and time right now.That’s an important thing to learn, I suppose.

But I still hate wondering if we’re going to be homeless next month. I’ve had about enough stress for one year. There don’t seem to be any jobs on the horizon to rescue us, either. I just don’t know what we’re going to do.

If you know me, you don’t need to ask how I’m doing. Because I’ll tell you right now: not good. And I’m tired of pretending otherwise.

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This is my original blog. Sort of.

I’ve wondered a long time what to do with this blog. I post to several blogs, and several others that met an untimely death. This blog has been my ‘original’ blog (I’ve changed platforms several times – I started with diaryland in 2001, moved on to blogger, and finally landed here on WordPress). This blog has been my diary for a while.

But then we started a family blog, and I post many of my thoughts over there, except with pictures. That makes this blog somewhat obsolete. I thought about making this my ‘craft’ blog of sorts, and although I do a fair bit of crafting, I doubt it’s enough to keep readers interested. Maybe. It’s still a possibility.

I used to think of this blog as the place where I could be more ‘me.’ My family blog is somewhat generic, because we have such a wide array of readers. On this blog, I shared my real thoughts because I was anonymous. That has changed. Over time, friends and family members have found this blog. That’s not a bad thing, but it does change the scope of the blog somewhat. You know what I mean – you write differently when you know you have a certain audience.

Here are some of the other blogs I used to post on, and their current status, if you care:

• Lost blog – I used to post on a blog all about the TV show Lost. I enjoyed it, but the person who paid me to blog also paid 50 other TV show bloggers. They didn’t market the blogs well, and the company went under, taking the Lost blog with them.
• Craft tutorials – It’s a long story I don’t want to rehash. Needless to say, I don’t currently post there.
• Evolving Blueprint – I still want to keep this blog going, but ever since I had Rhys, I let that blog fall by the wayside. I plan to revamp it and return to posting there.
• Writing blog – This is another of my blogs that was a good idea but got set aside once the baby was born. I ought to keep it going also.
• Life with Baby – I just started this blog. I know. Like I need yet another blog.  But this one lets me say anything I want to about having a baby. Plus they pay me a little bit to do it.

And that brings me back to this blog. I want to keep it. It has been with me for a long time; I’m not sure I could give it up. But what should the focus of this blog be? Crafting? Creative writing? Odds and ends? Something else? I’m just not sure.

If I still have any readers, what are your thoughts? Help me figure out what to do with this blog.

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Baby stuff

So it turns out I don’t have gestational diabetes, which I am thankful for. After hearing everything my sister has to go through because of it, I’m very thankful. I still don’t have a side shot of my pregnant belly, but it’s definitely growing. (I’ll save this for another post, but I’m just wondering: why do people feel that it’s ok to tell a pregnant woman how big or small she is? It’s not ok, so don’t do it!)

In other news, John and I recently got the best deal at a yard sale. I’m so impressed with our haul that I had to share a picture. We went to a yard sale right at the end, and the lady had TONS of baby boy clothing. And they were all name brand items (not that I care about name brands, but they were quality items). Anyway, she gave us a big garbage bag and said it was $10 to stuff the bag full. So we did. Here’s what we came home with:

We already had clothing for under 12 months, so we focused on the 12 month to 2 year clothing. We ended up with:

• 2 jackets
• 12 pairs of socks
• 8 hats
• 11 pairs of pants and jeans
• 6 pairs of shorts
• 22 shirts and onesies

All that for $10. I was proud of our find. Our boy is practically set for clothing until past age 2, and we have so far only spent $10. I feel very blessed.

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Short update

I get to go take a glucose test today. I’m so not excited about drinking a nasty beverage and then sitting there for an hour, waiting to find out if I have gestational diabetes or not. I hope the answer is not. My sister got diagnosed with it yesterday…

And in other news, my house is so close to being unpacked it’s unbelievable! I think there are about 10 boxes left. Hallelujah! This place is already more of home than our former apartment was after months of living there.

Anyway, I’m going to try to be better about blogging on here, though I may change the format up a bit. We’ll see.

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moving, stress, and taking care of myself

How do you deal with stress? Some people thrive on it, accomplishing more and getting energized by it. Not me.

I am one of those people who cannot handle an overabundance of tasks to do at once – I freak out and simply withdraw from life for a while when that happens. I can accomplish only a limited number of things per day, so when my lists gets too long, I freeze up and get nothing done instead.

We moved to a new apartment on Saturday (Hooray! We finally found sub-leasers to take over our most hated apartment), so this week has been filled with cleaning, unpacking, calling utility companies, and extreme back pain. And then throw in a bunch of church stuff (Relief Society calling). In short, I’ve been stressed.

But this time I’m trying not to freak out. I’m just doing what I can do. And I’ve been struggling with some personal issues, so I’m trying to treat myself with care and realize that I’m ok the way that I am. For now, this is all that I am and all I have to give to the world, and that’s ok.

My heart also hurts for friends and family who are dealing with struggles of their own. Life can truly be hard, and I wish I lived closer to them to be more of a support and help. I can only send my love and prayers and trust that they are strong, amazing people and can make it through the tough times.

Take a minute to count your blessings today. We all have more than we think we do. I’m going to try and be more grateful for mine.

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My news

I have failed to mention here that in August, my husband and I will be having our first baby. My excuse is that pregnancy really makes me tired, so I never feel up to posting.

Anyway, the new baby is another reason we are eager to get out of the apartment we are in. It’s too small and isn’t the kind of environment we want our baby in. Although we have noticed that our neighbors have been a bit more considerate ever since John went over to their house at 1:00 in the morning and told them to turn down the music.

Otherwise, life is more of the same. John works night and day doing school stuff, and I work night and day trying to get this freelancing thing to pay the bills. I don’t know what we’re going to do when the baby comes!

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faith that things will get better

Life has been a little better for me lately, even though we have been experiencing a great deal of stress because of our living situation. We didn’t like the apartment we are living in from the first day we moved in, but we had to sign a lease from Arizona. We just didn’t know what we were getting into before we saw it. Not only is it not a place we enjoy living in (putting it mildly), it is starting to cause a significant drain on our finances.

We have secured for ourselves a new place to live that is $200 cheaper per month!! The new place also has awesome neighbors, while our current place definitely does not. The problem? Our lease at this current apartment is not up until July 25th, and we cannot bear to live here that long. Not to mention that the cheaper place cannot be held that long for us.

So we have been advertising our place for sub-leasers, and we are praying hard that things will work out. If you are a praying person, any prayer you offered on our behalf would be much appreciated! I am not exaggerating when I say that our mental health will drastically improve the day we get out of this place. For our sanity, we have to leave.  

And I have been working very hard on securing new and better writing jobs. My goal is to double my income by the end of the month. I know, it’s lofty and I may be setting myself up for failure, but the truth is that I’ve been more productive this week than ever before. And even if my income doesn’t double, I can at least be sure that I did everything in my power toward making that happen. And if not this month, then soon!

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November recap

I have not been the best blogger the past few months. This writing for a living thing sure drains me. By the end of the day, I’m usually mentally exhausted! Which means I never feel like updating my blog. Today, though, I’d much rather write here than write the article I need to write about parrots. Bleh!

So I guess what I’ll do is a quick recap of November:

First, the not happy.

• I had a client tell me she didn’t like one of the articles I sent her. I know, freelance writers must develop a thick skin, but I don’t have one yet! In fact, I think my skin started out much thinner than most people’s, anyway (ask John!). So I’ve been a little down the past few days.

• I didn’t make as much money in November as I had hoped. Don’t count your freelance writing gigs before they’re hatched.

• We still haven’t decorated our house for the holidays. 😦

• I don’t want you to judge me for this, so be kind: I haven’t felt like doing dishes in over a week. So I haven’t. And nobody else has either. We are down to our last utensil.

The happy stuff!

• John and I basically get a three week vacation – one week together in Athens (dubbed Holli-Johnny week), one week in Arizona, and one week in Nevada, with a little Utah possibly thrown in. Yay! We definitely need the break.

• I’m making new friends. There are so many nice people in our church ward, and I finally feel like I’m getting to know some of them. It’s nice. I’m going to a friend’s house tomorrow for some crafting fun.

• I reconnected with old friends during Thanksgiving. John and I went to Rome, GA to see a couple of my college friends and their family. We played the James Bond game (I’m so opposed to it, but there I was, shooting the bad guys until my fingers hurt!) and had fun with the kids and cats. And we ate yummy food.

• I’m going to revamp my business model for the new year. I’m going to have a website and do things a little differently. I’ll show the site to you when it’s done. I know I can make the freelance thing work, but I’ll have to do it differently from the way I do it now.

• I have a wonderful husband who is so amazong and sweet. That’s not specific to the month of November, but I needed the happy stuff to outweigh the not so happy stuff!

Anyway, happy December! I hope your month is a good one.

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one thing at a time

I am just not good at multi-tasking. One of my best friends always made fun of me because I told her I could only do one thing per day. I’ve upped that number to about three, but still. I am easily overwhelmed. I read a blog post written by another friend detailing the many things she accomplished in one day, and it made me tired!

Anyway, the point is, I’ve been neglecting some things because of my inability to multi-task. I’ve neglected to call a friend that I’ve been meaning to call every single day for the past two weeks. (I’m sure you know who you are – I still love you.)

I also haven’t secured the health insurance that I’ve needed to take care of for the past two months. I haven’t updated this blog enough, and I’ve also slowed down on posting to my other blog, Evolving Blueprint. I also haven’t cleaned my house in too long or cooked a meal lately.

I’m starting to get that feeling I sometimes get, and I know it’s time to overhaul my life and get organized. Especially because my freelance writing gigs have started to pick up (which is awesome!) and I have multiple projects going on at the same time. And my church service assignment was changed from secretary to counselor, which means a much bigger time commitment on my part.

So, here’s to me finding a way to organize myself so that my house stays clean, healthy meals are made each day, and I have time for work, church, husband, and friends. Sounds way too good to be true, but I’m going to try!

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October recap

So October has been busy. I became a freelance writer, I babysat several kids, we flew to Arizona and back, I interviewed for a job I wanted but didn’t get, and I helped John with a Trunk-or-Treat party.

My first month as an official freelance writer went fairly well. I didn’t make as much as I had hoped to, but I did gain experience and more confidence in my writing. I received several compliments from clients that made me feel great.

The freelancing lifestyle requires a lot of work – first to find the jobs and then to actually do them. I feel like I’m constantly at the computer looking for writing gigs, researching, or writing. It can get a little tiring. But so far, it’s been worth it. And once a better income is coming in, it will definitely be worth it! Just because I’m so proud, I’ll recap the highlights of this month.

*I finished my first writing project
*I sent my first invoice ever!
*I wrote some articles about flower gardening (I am now an expert!)
*I received my first ever paycheck from writing!
*I am writing some personal development articles for someone’s blog
*I wrote articles about bankruptcy (and now know more than I care to about how companies prey on the financially weak)

That’s mostly what I’ve been up to. And I’ve been serving as secretary of the women’s organization (Relief Society) of my church. That’s a lot of work too, but I love helping women and being involved, so the secretary thing has been good.

And life is just plain good.

*****

Check out my other blog: Evolving Blueprint

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