We fear change

I wish I had more time every day. Or maybe I just wish I was more effective with my time. There are so many things I am interested in accomplishing, and with a baby coming, I feel like I have limited time to do it in. If I don’t get it done before August, will it ever happen?

I’m scared of things changing. I have a strange relationship with change. Sometimes I need change; sometimes I thrive on it. At the same time, I struggle to accept change – I get nostalgic and sad. And I worry that I haven’t accomplished enough by this stage in my life. Why didn’t I take better advantage of all the time I’ve had while living in Georgia?

Why didn’t I learn to play the mandolin or actually learn to play the guitar decently? What about learning to sew? I don’t know. I guess I’m just feeling the pressure of impending responsibility. I guess it’s called adulthood and I should get used to it. Most people go through this stage of life a lot younger than this, so I really should be grateful for all the extra time I’ve had. And I am.

I just wish I had taken better advantage of it while I had it. I still have a couple of months, it’s true, but everything tires me out during pregnancy. After a trip to the grocery store, I have to go take a two-hour nap. It’s embarrassing but true. So I have dreams of making cloth diapers and baby wipes, of learning to make my own soap, of baking my own bread, and making my own yogurt. I want to make a total lifestyle change, apparently, and time is just running out.

Not to mention my worries of how my relationship with my husband will change. I mean, it already has changed some. How will I handle the changes that happen after the baby comes? I’ve had John to myself for three years now. I’m used to it just being us; I like spending time alone together, taking a day trip on a whim, cuddling at night, just being together. I guess I just worry. Probably for no reason, but I do it anyway.

One thing is for sure, so very much will change in August when we have this boy.

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change is the theme of 2008

I’m back from my Christmas vacation, and am ready for an interesting 2008. Things will be changing this year both professionally and personally, and I’m trying to be ready for it all. A friend of mine always chooses a theme for each year, and I think ‘change’ is a great theme.

In January, physical fitness is the priority. John and I plan to get serious about our health. We’ll be walking four mornings each week. I’m excited – I actually really enjoy walking/jogging. My problem is motivating myself to get out and do it. This time, it’s just going to be the first thing I do when I get up.

I’m also going to focus on growing and improving my business, which is scary and exciting at the same time. This will involve creating my own website, finding new clients and revenue sources, and keeping my work hours limited to during the day (not working until midnight).

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and that you are as ready as I am for this new year.

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i write.

I am a writer. Why am I telling you this? Because I finally feel as though I am reaching for my dreams rather than just wishing for them. I have always wanted to be a writer (and I always have been — I’ve kept a diary since I was five years old.)

But lately I’ve felt the pull to make my writing dreams a reality. Some of you have asked what exactly I’m writing, so I’ll tell you. I’ve been polishing my poetry and getting it ready to send out, planning and writing posts for a new blog with a different focus, brainstorming my novel. I’ve been writing. And this is a good thing.

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Are you living your dream?

JD at Get Rich Slowly (one of my favorite blogs on personal finance) has a great post about doing what you dream and daring to fail. You can find it here. It’s an inspiring post that helps you look at whether you’re living your dreams or making excuses for not doing so, and suggests how you can work to change your situation if you need to.

I’m inspired. In fact, I’ve been inspired for a while. I’ve been making a few changes in my life, and they are happening slowly but surely. Some of them (like finding a new job) is a forced change because of our upcoming move. But my dream of being a writer is something I’m finally working to make a reality. I’ll keep you posted on updates there.

What are your dreams and are you working toward them?

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make a difference

I recently started browsing through No Impact Man’s blog. He decided that he and his family would try to make no impact on the environment for one year, and he chronicles his adventures on his blog. It’s a drastic but fascinating concept, sort of like a modern day Walden Pond.

Anyway, for those who want to make a difference but aren’t ready to live without electricity and running water, another blog, Crunchy Chicken, is hosting a ‘Low Impact Week,’ which will be June 1 – June 7. She gives lots of good tips and ideas for making small changes for just one week. I think I’m in. I’ve been wanting to reduce my impact on the environment in small ways, and this is a good way to start. I’ll post my plan for Low Impact Week later…

If you’re up for the challenge, join me!

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pat’s run 2007

Well, Pat’s Run was simply amazing. We (me, John, family members) finished the race, and I even finished faster than I thought I would. I had planned on walking the course, but my enthusiasm took over once we got there, and I started the race jogging. I walked most of it, but it ended up that I jogged a mile or two. I’m really sore now as a result.

Anyway, I posted most of my thoughts on the matter here, if anyone cares to read it. If not, just know that it was a wonderful experience that I would do again in a second. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much that I went running yesterday, and plan to do more walking/running several times a week. I see a 5K in my not too distant future, as well. I’m inspired.

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chance meeting at a birdbath

I met Jewell Parker Rhodes today. She is truly one of the nicest people I have ever met. She writes novels and she is the current director of the Piper House. I want to be like her.

Here’s how it happens. I had finished up with a meeting across campus from where I normally work. I was walking back to work but decided to take a little break first. I stopped at Piper House and sat beside a fountain, reading Girls in Pants.

Suddenly there was a bird in the fountain; he was black, and purple, and velvety looking. He walked around the fountain, eyeing me. Then he jumped in and splashed himself all over. I watched in fascination for a couple of minutes until the bird flew away. Jewell Parker Rhodes was suddenly next to me and said, “Wasn’t that beautiful?” She proceeded to tell me the history of Piper House, and how she had insisted that the fountain be put in, along with several other details that make Piper House so inviting.

I knew exactly who she was, but she of course didn’t know who I was. Yet she talked with me as if we were old friends. We introduced ourselves to each other. We exchanged our dream of writing a young adult novel (she writes mostly adult fiction). She asked me to email her so she could mail me a book. She said that we would bug each other until we had started writing our novels.

Meeting her has inspired me, not just to write (though she did inspire that), but also to be a good human being; to love and to embrace life. I am filled with light, just because of her wonderful spirit. I want to be that for other people. I feel so blessed to have met her.

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i’m going to take pictures

So much is going on in my life right now, some of which I plan to post about, to sort my thoughts out. But first, I just wanted to mention one thing. I signed up for Self Portrait Challenge. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but I finally did it.

Basically, they give you a theme for the month, and each week you post a photograph (a self portrait) you took that deals with the theme. I’m no photographer, but I want to be. I figure this is a way to get in the habit of taking pictures. So bear with me if I post some amateurish or bad photos. At least I’ll be taking pictures.

This month’s theme is: the body. So stay tuned.

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sang as they walked

John and I went on a four-mile walk yesterday. It felt surprisingly good. And the best part is that we did it in about an hour, which is fast for us.

We were actually doing a practice walk for an event we signed up for: Pat’s Run. Proceeds from the race go to the Pat Tillman Foundation. I think it’s a worthy cause, and I’m happy I get to be a part of. Not to mention that Pat Tillman is my dad’s hero; I knew this run would mean a lot to him.

So next Saturday we (along with five other members of my family) will be walking 4.2 miles for Pat’s Run. I’m so excited. My original plan had been to run this, but it turned out that walking was the better choice this time. I do have a goal that a year from now I (and I hope John too) will be running a 5k or two.

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update on my goals

I announced last week that I had set a goal to exercise 5x a week, and I’m updating you on my progress. Last week I didn’t hit 5x. But I did do 3x, which is much better than I usually get. This week I plan to get the full five.

I just got back from my morning break; I walked around campus for 15 minutes. It’s an easy way to get my exercise in. Unfortunately, it’s starting to get hot around here; I’m going to have to find another simple way to exercise, because the heat is already killing me.

I also signed up for Joe’s Goals. I like it so far. I wouldn’t say it’s exceptionally motivating, but I do actually feel motivation if I know I get to check it off a list. So I think it’s good. At least I get to see the progress I’m making. I like it.

And if you’re wondering about the body fat percentage test I took…I’ll just say it was discouraging. My fat content hasn’t changed in the past two years, despite the effort I’ve put in to improve my health. I guess I’ll have to make some more changes. I have a feeling it’s the eating habits that are dragging me down.

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i’m gonna do it

Okay, I am publicly announcing that I set a goal to exercise 5 days a week for at least 15 minutes. I signed up for Leo’s March Challenge over at Zen Habits. Go sign up too–any goal you want to work on for the month of March.

They say if you tell people about a goal you’re more likely to achieve it (because of the negative publicity if you don’t). So I’m testing that theory out. The real challenge is setting aside 15 minutes and actually doing it. 15 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot, but you’d be surprised how often I DON’T exercise for any amount of minutes. I’m starting out slowly to get the habit. I’d like to work up to 30-60 minutes of exercise. But first things first.

And to kick it all off, I coincidentally signed up for a health screening today. By 10am I will know my height, my weight, and my body fat…oy. I’ll let you know how that goes…or not!

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more goals

Oh, and I succumbed to Joe’s Goals. (It’s a goal tracking tool.) I don’t know yet if I’ll like it, but I’ll let you know once I try it out. Anyone have any experience with it?

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