I’m trying to get used to the bug situation in Georgia. Seeing a bug no longer surprises me, but it still grosses me out completely. I’ve been known to start gagging just by seeing a dead cockroach or spider.
I thought cockroaches were the worst bug of all, but I was wrong. Cockroaches are disgusting, of course. Especially the one that FLEW through my kitchen and was longer than an inch. But I’ve decided spiders are worse. Spiders are squirmy and hairy and have those spindly legs…ewww. I shudder just thinking about it. Plus, they hide in your stuff, waiting for you to reach your hand into your bag and discover a spider lurking in there.
Okay, now that I’ve thorougly grossed myself out, here are Holli Jo’s bug rules:
1. It is never ok to smash a cockroach with a shoe or any other object. (Too crunchy.) It’s ok to smash earwigs and small spiders.
2. Holli will never use a tissue to kill a bug of any kind. No exceptions. John is totally welcome to do this if he wants (which he does), but NOT me.
3. Holli will also never use a tissue to transport a dead bug to the toilet. It’s John’s job. Or, if I’m desperate, I’ll use the dustpan. But best to wait until it bothers John enough to dispose of it.
4. Holli will also not pee in a toilet that contains a dead bug’s floating carcass, no matter what John says about saving money on the water bill.
5. Bug spray is the best way to kill a bug, and don’t be shy about spraying the life out of the bug. If it takes half a can, so be it. Also, if bug spray is not available, hairspray or household cleaners may substitute.
6. The best rule of all: move west! ASAP.