self-doubt and job woes

I think my job is changing completely, and I’m not sure if I should be excited or scared. I think I’ll be learning the ins and outs of PeopleSoft, which could be a good thing. But at the same time, my workload could explode in the next little while, something I am not thrilled about.

I just wish I knew if we were moving in 8 months. If we aren’t, then job searching would be my top priority. If we are, I just don’t feel right about taking a new job and then leaving six months later. That’s not fair to the new employer.

So what I’ll do is get all the skills and training I can from this three-month PeopleSoft project. By then, I’ll know more about our future, and I can use my new skills toward getting a good job that I like.

In other news, I’m feeling insecure about taking the creative writing class. Mostly I’m insecure about my writing. The thought of reading it out loud in a classroom terrifies me! I’m on the verge of dropping the class, but I know I’ll regret it if I do. I can do this, right?

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monday monday monday

Happy Monday. Top thoughts of the day.

5. I hate work. The situation just gets worse. A coworker was brought into the boss’s office and berated for things she had no control over. We all pray for a way out of this office.

4. I taught Relief Society at church yesterday, and the lesson was on families and eternal life. I feel the need to be a better person. I know I need to, but it’s so hard to change!

3. I need a haircut desperately. My last haircut was great, and looked sort of like this, though with less bangs. I think I’ll do something similar again:

2. Saved by the Bell watching is going strong. I know you’re dying for some quotes:

Mr. Belding: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! *What* is going on here?!!
…….
Zack: I like school… it’s a good way to kill time between weekends.
…….
Lisa: Screech, would you like to rejoin the human race?
Screech: You always said I wasn’t a member.
Lisa: I’ll sneak you in.
…………

1. I am so excited! My husband said I can crochet this and he would wear it!:

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i *will* do what i dream! (name the movie)

I applied for a job today. I feel like patting myself on the back. Instead, I’m posting my self-congratulations online.

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help me!

Job searching is hard. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing right now. But I’ll tell you why I get discouraged.

1. The area I have education in -library science- I don’t seem to have enough experience, and there aren’t enough library jobs to go around. So I get interviews, but the jobs go to someone who already has experience. Or, let’s face it, maybe I don’t interview well. I don’t know. But I’m not getting anywhere in the library science field.

2. The area I want to move toward -health and wellness- seems to only have jobs for people who ALREADY HAVE EXPERIENCE. Well, how do I get the experience?!! Let me guess. Take a job that pays $8 an hour in order to provide me the experience. Can’t do it.

So…what do I do? I can’t really take much of a pay cut. I really can’t right now. But at the same time, I REALLY can’t take this job anymore, either.

Suggestions, anyone?

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post fourth randomness

I love days like today — overcast, with steady, drizzling rain. Beautiful. Today is going okay, but my coworker/boss is driving me crazy. I’ve now scheduled in time every week to job search, because I’m getting out of here. And not just library jobs, because obviously those aren’t happening. But I don’t care how I get out of here, I’m getting out.

I’ve been much happier the past few days. Is it because the withdrawals are over?!! Is it that I don’t eat sugar anymore? Is it because I exercise 5x a week? Is it because I feel in control of my life, knowing there are goals to be reached and I have plans for reaching them? Don’t know. But I’m thankful.

Guess what? I am now up to ‘Standard’ in DDR! Only while in workout mode. If it were game mode, I’d be boo’ed off the dance pad and it would be game over. But I like Standard a lot, plus I think it gives me a better workout. Even if I can’t seem to hit all the arrows. Not that anyone other than a fellow DDR freak would even care about this paragraph. Ha!

I went to Sunflower Market the other day, and I love it! The prices are much cheaper than I thought they would be, and such good and healthy food there! I was in heaven. I can’t believe I haven’t been shopping there all along.

Have I mentioned lately what a great husband I have? He’s the best. He does DDR with me every day, he listens to me, he likes my family, he humors me when I get obsessed with something (like I said, right now it’s Andrew Weil, but it changes periodically), and he’s an amazing kisser. I couldn’t be luckier.

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office space

My favorite item of clothing a coworker has worn – the vest with appliquéd patriotic stuff sewn on. Come on ladies, a vest? Although I enjoy the puff painted Christmas t-shirts as well…so maybe it’s a tossup.

Also, I’m going to file this one as one of life’s mysteries, but how come my coworker with diabetes eats more cake, candy, and sugar than I do? (And I’m not exactly your model citizen when it comes to sugar…)

That same coworker with diabetes is also remarkably dedicated to her job. One day she packed it up an hour early and said, “You ready to go home?” When we pointed out that she was off by an hour, she said, “Oh good! An extra hour to get work done!” and raced back into her office. (This wasn’t said sarcastically, I promise you.) I doubt I need to point out that this is NOT the reaction I would have had. I believe swearing would possibly be featured in my reaction.

I work in a cubible, or ‘cubie’ as a coworker puts it. Have I ever mentioned that? Before we moved to the building we’re in, I had an office. Or should I say broom closet? Everyone was excited for me that I would be rescued from my tiny little broom closet and become one of the masses in a cubicle. It may have been abysmally small, but it was MY broom closet. It had privacy. I miss it.

I don’t know what came over us, but John and I had a fight one time over the phone, while I was at work, sitting in my cubicle where every word you speak is heard loud and clear. I believe I was crying. What the bleep?

Working in an office is weird. It’s no wonder that this concept made its way into a TV show. Though why anybody who works in an office would want to spend time after work hours watching a show like that, I’ll never know.

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my anger issues

I don’t know why I’m so blasted annoyed by what is currently annoying me.

I got roped into participating in a musical farewell performance for my boss, who is leaving ASU to be UNR’s president. Fine. But most of the people singing can’t stay on key. Especially the people who are musical performers and think they’re really good at singing.

I know I’m not the best singer, and I know that I don’t always sing on key, but the difference is, I know EXACTLY when I’m not singing on key. They don’t.

So we were practicing this song and everybody got flat. Flat enough that suddenly I was singing the song one note higher than everybody else. And everyone thinks it’s me who got off key. And I’m just annoyed because there’s nothing I hate worse than listening to a performance where the singers change key.

That’s what will happen to us on Monday when we perform for our boss and the whole office. Why do I care? Why am I getting so mad I can almost feel steam coming out my ears?

I don’t know really know…

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richie rich

So John and I are brainstorming the start of a company of sorts. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. It’s nothing big yet. Right now it’s mostly something fun to think about and plan.

I guess it’s time to tell you about the obsession I had as a kid. I wanted to be rich. And not just rich, but rich because of something I invented or did or sold. So my sister and I became entrepreneurs. We dreamed up all kinds of ways to get rich. One time we collected rocks and glued them onto yarn to make jewelry. We arranged them on a table in our front yard and waited for the customers to line up. Nobody did. Another time we picked yellow wildflowers (weeds, actually) that had the most beautiful scent, and put them up for sale. Nobody bought those, either.

The closest we came to riches was when we came up with a brilliant scheme: sell mud balls. So we broke out the hose, rolled some mud into balls and set them in the sun to dry. We put them up for sale for a nickel each. What a bargain! We talked up my sister’s best friend when she came over to play and convinced her that she definitely needed a mud ball. The sale was nearly final when the friend’s mom showed up and nixed any mud balls coming to her house. That was the end of our entrepreneurial days.

We never sold anything. And what I wonder is this – why didn’t my parents take pity on us and buy something?!! Oh well. But the point I’m trying to make with this story is that I never fully lost my dream of coming up with something brilliant and getting rich. So it’s exciting to have perhaps stumbled across a good idea…

I’m still brainstorming for more ideas, too. I know there’s a website that hasn’t yet been created but needs to be. I’d like to create such a website. And I want it to be a website that helps other people. I know I’ll come up with it someday.

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you’re fired!

I had a dream last night that I was on The Apprenctice, only it wasn’t Donald Trump on the show, it was ASU President . We were all competing as we worked on the ‘task’ in order to win favor with him.

All I know is, I was terrified of him! He notices every detail, every little flaw. He expects nothing less than perfection. (I should know; in a round about way, I work for him.) I just find it funny that subconsciously I put our president in the position of Donald Trump. (I can see him saying to me, “You’re fired!”) I think that image would only be funny to someone who currently goes to ASU.

I’m sure he won’t read my blog and find out what his employee is saying about him. Why would he? Though he seems to have time for EVERYTHING under the sun including googling himself on the internet, he surely wouldn’t care what people think of him. Andf he does care, he has to know already that people are intimidated by him.

(If you’re reading this, please don’t fire me.)

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new career path

A while back my career goal was to become a librarian. In fact, I even went to the trouble to get a master’s degree in library science. But that was before a year’s worth of rejection from all the library jobs I applied to. (With the exception of one offer, which I rejected. So I guess it wasn’t unilateral rejection.)

But anyway, lately I’ve been rethinking my career choice. The appeal of being a librarian grows dimmer and dimmer as I see cities slash library budgets right and left. The “shushing” librarian stereotype is alive and well. And libraries, instead of being at the forefront of knowledge and the heart of the community (as I believe they should be), are being rendered obsolete by Borders bookstore and the world wide web.

I can see the writing on the wall. Do I think libraries will ever dissapear permanently? No. But I do think they need a major overhaul to make them more relevant in this day and age. Some libraries are doing a pretty good job of that, but so many of them are as traditional as ever.

Where does this leave me? So far, without a job that I can wake up every day and be excited about. The last few days I’ve done some serious soul searching. What do I really want to do with my life?

You know what I came up with? Please do not laugh, because I’m serious. Personal trainer. I had actually thought about this career in the past, but it was more of a fleeting thought that didn’t last long because I didn’t think I could do it, especially because I really didn’t have any experience in it. But in the last few weeks as I’ve been doing SparkPeople, I’ve learned a few things. 1. With motivation and desire, I can accomplish a whole lot. 2. I love exercise. 3. I love getting other people excited about exercise and eating right.

Maybe that’s not much of a reason to embark on a brand new career path. I’m not sure yet. But I’m serious enough about it that I enrolled in two ASU courses this summer — a nutrition course and an exercise science course. I just want to get a feel for what I might be getting into if my life veered off in this new direction. Oh, plus I’m taking a bellydancing class and a yoga/pilates class. Fun? Absolutely.

The best thing of all is that John supports me in this 100%. He always does. He doesn’t laugh at my random career plans or complain about the fact that I might have to get yet another degree. (Maybe that’s because I support him 100% in his desire to get yet another degree. But his will be a PhD while mine would most likely be a BS or at the most an MS degree.)

But right now this is all a what if. I don’t know for sure WHAT I’m going to be doing in the next while. But I do know that I can’t continue working at my current job without at least a goal and a plan for getting there. I feel that even if becoming a personal trainer isn’t in the stars for me, at least I’m exploring and trying new things, and I know I’ll stumble across the right career for me. Maybe I already have. It’s worth exploring.

–H

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what if i found my dream job?

Advil has become my new best friend. When I was sick (about 5 days) I took an Advil every 5 hours or so to keep my temperature down. Now that’s past, but a sinus headache has taken its place. So every time I lie down, a pain hits me in the eye. It’s like somebody is stabbing me in the eye with a pencil. So it’s either not lie down and get no sleep, or take an Advil at night. Then I wake up in the middle of the night after the medicine wears off with more stabbing pains…so I hit the Advil yet again. One of these days I won’t be taking a million pills a day, I hope. I’d tell you how many I’m taking right now, but you wouldn’t believe me—or you’d think I was dying of something. Surely.

Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS: I interviewed this morning for my perfect job. It couldn’t be more made for me, and I hope I conveyed that in the interview. The job would be as a children/youth librarian at the local public library. Totally me! I would work at the children’s reference desk, plan and carry out story time and other activities, create brochures & other promotional stuff. And not only that, the position would include creating and maintaining web pages. I would be in heaven doing this. The salary is pretty good, too.

I didn’t want to talk about it or post about it beforehand, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I still don’t. But I did my best at the interview, and that’s really all I can do. I came out of the interview feeling pretty good. The scary part of the interview? The first thing they made me do was pick a book and a finger puppet and do an impromptu story time in front of the three interviewers. Yikes! But I did okay…probably not the best story time they’ve ever seen, because I’ve never actually done one before, but okay.

Even if I don’t get this job I feel more hopeful now. I can and will find the right job for me. If I had my way it would have happened a long time ago, but I’ll accept what comes my way and be thankful when it does happen.

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A week goes by and it seems like my life changes c…

A week goes by and it seems like my life changes completely. Here’s a random sampling of what’s been going on:

**It’s my husband’s 25th birthday!!! Go here to wish him a happy birthday.

**Remember the library job? Well, I got offered the position. The salary offered was pretty much what I’m making now (except without my new raise), and he wouldn’t budge on that. Still, I was all set to take the position but found out other things that made the offer much less acceptable.

1. I wouldn’t get benefits for three months. We are not currently in a position to be able to go without benefits. Remember the emergency room? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pay for that out of pocket.

2. I would be paying $150 more per month on insurance premiums. So my salary dropped even further.

3. I would only get 10 vacation days per year (I get 22 where I’m at now), and they wouldn’t start accruing for three months. Also, I would get no sick days—instead, I’d have to use vacation days if I got sick. (At ASU I get 12 sick days per year).

4. The guy who made the offer was just sketchy on too many things. I realized I would have no idea what I was getting into, and by the time I found out, it would be too late to do anything about it.

For these reasons and others, I declined the offer. I was a little sad, because I truly want to work in a library, but I don’t regret my decision. So I guess that means I made the right choice. It’s back to the job search for me.

**Some hard things are going on with my family right now. I guess you could say my dad got ‘fired’ from the best part of his job. He still has his job, but without the cool part. And the person who did the ‘firing’ is my mom’s direct boss. It hurts a lot to hear that my dad was sobbing after he got the news. The hardest thing is that there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to see the people I love in pain. I’ve been praying a lot for them.

**I went to the doctor, and it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. They drew blood to check out my thyroid. We’ll see how things go with that.

**Something unbelievable—my coworker/supervisor apologized for her behavior on Friday. I wasn’t expecting that at all, but it was great of her to do it. Things are much less tense around here. Crazy.

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